100 Ways to Get a Bad Review (91-100)

Warning to Filmmakers: Your movie might be in danger of critical evisceration if it has:

100. Investigators who arrive on a crime scene and say, “Whadaweegot?” (Harrison Ford in “Hollywood Homicide.” Plus, every crime movie ever made.)
99. Women who inexplicably fall down, presumably for laughs. (Julia Roberts in “My Best Friend’s Wedding,” Julianne Moore in “Evolution,” Kate Hudson in “Raising Helen.”)
98. Vehicles that come with cutesy-poo license plates intended to be funny descriptions of the drivers. (BAD 1 from “Bedazzled,” PET DOC 2 from “Terminator 3,” SATS R UP from “The Perfect Score,” ONE SKY from “Imagine That,” MED MAN in “Sioux City,” DEV IL in “101 Dalmatians,” GENIE THING in “Friday,” SWEET from “A Night at the Roxbury.”)
97. Characters who shout “My bad!” for any reason. (Cisco Reyes in “Next Day Air,” Zac Efron in “17 Again,” John Leguizamo in “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs,” Robin Williams in “Old Dogs,” Josh Duhamel in “When in Rome,” Jay Baruchel in “She’s Out of My League,” T.J. Miller in “She’s Out of My League.”)
96. Guys who dangle from the runners of helicopters in flight. (Chris O’Donnell in “Vertical Limit,” Russell Crowe in “Proof of Life,” Frankie Muniz in “Agent Cody Banks.”)
95. Characters who can only express themselves by using an abusively overdone “game” metaphor.
“You want to play games?” — Lobo Sebastian in “Next Day Air.”
“I’m not playing this game!” — Jason Bateman in “State of Play.”
“Is this some kind of game?” — Angela Bassett in “Meet the Browns.”
“Is this some kind of game?” — Katie Holmes in “First Daughter.”
“Do you think this is a game?” — Nicole Kidman in “Birth.”
“She thinks this is a game!” — Famke Janssen in “Hide and Seek.”
“This is not a (bleep)ing game!” — Jeff Daniels in “Imaginary Heroes.”
“Don’t play games with me!” — Kimberly Elise in “Diary of a Mad Black Woman.”
“It’s just a game!” — Harrison Ford in “Firewall.”
“This is not a game!” — Virginia Madsen in “Firewall.”
“It’s just a game, honey!” — Beth Bailey in “End of the Spear.”
“This isn’t a game!” — Antonio Banderas in “The Legend of Zorro.”
“It’s only a game!” — The Rock in “Gridiron Gang”
“This is not a game!” — Geoffrey Rush in “Munich.”
“You’ve just been using me for your disgusting games!” — Pavel Liska in “Lunacy.”
“I’m not out to play games with you!” — Alison Lohman in “Where The Truth Lies.”
“It’s a much tougher game out there for a woman!” — Donna Murphy in “The Nanny Diaries.”
“I don’t want to play that game!” — Sean Astin in “What Love Is.”
“Are you playing games with me?” — Dennis Hopper in “Sleepwalking.”
“This is dangerous game you’re playing!” — Lucy Russell in “Tristan and Isolde.”
“Don’t play games with me!” — John Travolta in “The Taking of Pelham 123.”
94. Characters who triumphantly shriek “Yeeeeeees!” while pulling down on imaginary train whistles. (Eddie Murphy in “The Nutty Professor,” Joan Cusack in “Nine Months,” Macaulay Culkin in “Home Alone,” Michael Weatherly in “Meet Wally Sparks.”)
93. Female romantic interests introduced in slow motion – and not as a joke. (Heather Graham in “Say It Isn’t So,” Amy Dolen in “She’s Out of Control,” Liv Tyler in “One Night at McCool’s,” Penelope Cruz in “Blow,” Natalia Verbeke in “Jump Tomorrow,” Shannon Elizabeth in “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.”)
92. Soundtracks that feature James Brown’s song “I Feel Good!” (“Garfield,” “Mr. 3000,” “Boat Trip,” “Dr. Doolittle,” “Cyberworld.”)
91. Characters who call someone by the wrong name, and when corrected, respond with an angry “Whatever!” (Julia Louis-Dreyfus in “Father’s Day,” Michael McKean in “The Brady Bunch Movie,” Danny DeVito in “Matilda,” Claire Forlani in “Boys and Girls,” Kelsey Grammer in “Toy Story 2.”)

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