Cupid misses bigtime on ‘Valentine’s Day’

Jennifer Garner and Ashton Kutcher in "Valentine's Day" Julia (Jennifer Garner) whispers sweet nothings to Reed (Ashton Kutcher) in the romantic comedy “Valentine’s Day.”


“Valentine’s Day” – strategically released just before the title’s namesake holiday – presents 20 main characters or so in a constant, high-speed rotation on the silver screen.

All scramble to find romance, flowers, food and chocolates on Cupid’s busiest day of the year.

It’s just like a Quentin Tarantino movie, but without the time-shifted sequences, interesting characters, riveting dialogue and well-wrought action scenes.

Five things tell us that sitcom guru and Northwestern University grad Garry Marshall directed this film.

1. A camera lingers on a man’s sweatshirt bearing a “Northwestern” logo.

2. Hector Elizondo, whom Marshall considers his “good luck” charm, co-stars.

3. Floral explosions erupt on the screen (although none tops the one in Marshall’s 1991 “Frankie and Johnny”).

4. Marshall makes a Hitchcockian cameo as one of three string musicians.

5. “Valentine’s Day” is a mishmash of cutesy poo-ness, boring Hollywood clichés, semi-warm fuzzies, ham-handed song choices and a lot of squandered talent.

Sure, a few of the intertwined subplots are a hoot.

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